19 Nov 2015

lost

Hey..

i know it's unnecessary to appear in this kind of time, but you know me. 
i'll write exactly in this time.

*inhale*
*exhale*

Lost.

did i? i get 2 yes answers. literally and meaningly. 

first, i can't hide my sadness for losing my SOL23, my just 3 months mobile phone. My first phone i brought home by my savings.
Previously, i bought it for my subtitution phone. Since my actual phone was getting broken on July :( and the CS said it would be fixed around 3 months.
Well, while waiting, i decided to look for a subtitution, for temporal. But after i meet my SOL23, it turns into love in the first sight. lol no. i tried to use it just like an alternate, but by the time it had me, all of myself's saved on it. 

everything was just fine, everyday was so fine.

until.......

i couldn't take my eyes, my hands off it. I hold it for likely 24 hours. 
I know my activities were going around it. 
I thought it was still normal, still being human as well.
But maybe Almighty God saw me being a slave. 
Maybe He saw me being so far, so far from Him. 
Maybe i was turned into a human being He hates me to be.
.
and that day...He saved me.

28 Jun 2015

this's not a horror story

Horror Stories

LOL as i said on subject,  I’m not gonna tell you this kind of stories.

I’m that one ‘s not gonna watch Insidious 3 just by myself. I hate horror stories too.
Once I hit my friend’s face an got him blooded (sorry) because he impersonated the fuckin satan that appear at my kost-mate room.

But sometimes the other side of myself is so curious of horror stories. Well, one day I was scrolling my timeline on LINE. One of my friend shared a post from a horror stories account – I forgot the name, but one behind the account I guess they dedicate their day for sharing horror stories with a scary picture, yeah for making it more frighten. Oh don’t worry the picture sometime fail me #pride.

Well, I read it – lol yes I’m the one who’s got trapped by this kind of post – and I thought the post was kinda different. It was not telling the horror stories like usual, you know the spoke place that there’s a ghost inside, a folk horror stories, horror experiences, ect – yes, yes, I have big desire to open the page nd read almost all of their posts lol.

No, it was not about those all. The post was telling about the people who’s not afraid of this thing. He bought a house, but there was something not right about this house and the seller had told him about it and he said it’s okay. First day it seemed nothing wrong, the next day strange voices stared appearing, but he still did nothing about it. The next next days it went worse. Every night loud voices all around the house, he started feel sick about it, but never feel being afraid at all. And then he talk to the ghosts loudly, he was sooo upset about what the stupid ass ghosts done. He talked angrily that they made him sleepless every night, broke his things, he talked harshly they they’re stupid ghosts that live at his house, whereas he paid for the house. They had bad behavior too, they were so irresponsibly breaking thing. And why didn’t they just go outside or back to their world, would it be easier for them.

After that, they didn’t ever disturb him. No strange sound or voices appear, no broken things happen again. Guess they were the one that afraid.

AND YES I’m SO AGREE WITH HIS ACTION, SCOLD THE GHOSTS. I THINK IT’S COOL.
After I read it, I remember about my own experience. I live at 2 places, home and kost (well, whatever it is in English). At my room at kost, I had once yelled to hm I don’t know I’ too afraid to admit if it was horror thingy. Yea, it was hm I forget if it was day or night but there was a little so loud that annoy me but I didn’t find the source, so I yelled (a  little upset and many frightened too), “DUH, APAANSIH TUH BERISIK BANGET WOY” #actlikei’mafierceone #lol and then it stopped, and never happened again and thank God.

Thank God because I love my room, I don’t know what to do if that sound suddenly appear again. I cant live at my comfort (at least for me) room.no, I have to fight and won’t let them living in too.
I know many of us can’t stand of this stuff, include me. But all I know, most and many of them that we meet, err know daily, just want to annoy us, make us frightened and sometime make the atmosphere feel spooky. And maybe they feel delight after make us like that. But,  they can’t hurt us physically. And as I watch they do afraid of us that don’t feel afraid of them, especially us that fight back.



Well I’m not planning about writing preach. This is just out from kid that after all this time and write she still can’t watch Insidious 3 just by herself.

10 Feb 2015

20?


#Nowplaying Beach Boys – Wouldn’t it be nice

Good late-nite, Blog!
Feel strange to know I come here just for 6 days after the latest post?
What does in the world make me here for usually a year or at least not even a month after the latest one?
I don’t even sure what It is but I have a thought. A late night thought. Sounds deep? Maybe. Or probably i have read about blogging and writing in the magazine, GoGirl, and I start thinking “yea, it’s right”. AND I am soon to be a public relations, which means writing is my absolute jobdesc. And I’m trying to learn writing here.
Before I start to write down – type down – my thought, there’re things I want to clarify on my latest writing.
1.       I have asked C if S was her elementary school mate, it’s clearly not. That possibility just happen on my dream.
2.       I have googled the specification and it said it’s sleep-paralysis and lucid dream, which means the next step after the paralysis. Still scared but thank God, it doesn’t happen to me again, so far. Because the next day I slept in my parents’ room.

#Onrepeat Beach Boys – Wouldn’t it be nice
What’s with the song? Well it’s not part of my thought but I think it does have coloration as a beginning.
It’s one of must listen-songs on your holiday playlist. Said my other magazine, CosmoGirl. Well I like the song. Just download it – illegally of course – this afternoon.
You know what?    HOLIDAY IS OVER. HOLY FVKIN SHID NO. *crying and rolling on the floor* *CROTFL* *CROTFL* I am writing this in the first day of campus life’s started. BUT Thank God (again), this’s also my day off. FYI I got 3 days off this semester, at least before the mid term. AW-YISS!
With – ow shit I left my writing last night and slept. Yea sometime writing could be like sport. Humm where’s our conversation?
Let me re-read first..
.
Still forget it..
Okay, I’m going to arrange new word.
Yup 20.
I just saw a posting of senior of mine on a social media. The point is he’s being 21 that day. And it reminds me even more, again) of myself. It’s already 2015! And it means I’m turning 20 this year. The fact is I’m not that happy knowing about it. It makes me feel, old? Yea I know, I shouldn’t. but 20, for me it’s a big deal. I’m not kid anymore, I have to struggle all by myself, not literally, but you get it, don’t you?
Like, 20? Really? You gotta be kidding me. I’m not even done with my teenage years. I know it’s just number. But I feel like number is kind of labeling. You’re 20 you have to blah blah. You still 10 you can’t be like blah blah. You’re xx and you gotta get job. Aw fvck it!
I don’t want to leave my teenage lifeeeee! *crying out loud*
I don’t mind being adult. I’d love to. I’ll get my own home, having cat, going anywhere without being messed up by anyone else. The point is nobody will set my life anymore. I have my own control of my life. You know what for me it calls freedom. Yes. I do love freedom. Maybe because I have B-Blood type, or maybe because I never feel, well just a little, freedom (defined by me) in my life. Or probably it’s the result of mixing both.
Sounds nonsense, huh? I have another thought that life doesn’t always make sense, to make life lives.
Buh-byee                            

Kish kish

3 Feb 2015

Yo, Bloggie!

Well, since I want to post something without read by any human living so I decided to come here.

I had nightmare last night.
And bad dreams.
Also sweet yet weird one.

Till this post is being written, I feel odd. My brain rewind the dream like 9999 times.

Humm..

Do you ever feel your body cant be moved as you're sleeping, cant even wake, or at least open the eyes and you know that consciously.
I dont know it's my mind make it or you know like I made a vision while my eyes were closed.

I tried to move my hands, my legs. I worked. I was moving to my mom's rooms. But a next second I knew it's only on my mind. Yes I still freeze on my bed. And it's happened many times.

As I knew I cant do nothing, I abandoned. Stuck on the bed, dont know what to do.
And then strange noise was heard. I dont kbow what it is, but it's loud. Not in my ear, it in my mind. Suddenly I feel something spread throughout my body. I was scared. I try to istighfar. But as I tried, the noise and that thing that spread onto my body even louder and the tention was higher. 

And the it's all gone. 

Black out while asleep? I dont know.

But then I dreamed. 

It's a bad dream. I'm sorry but I dont remember..

I woke. And back to sleep. 

Here's started the sweet yet weird dream.

I'm in a kinda luxury pool at the beach with my collage friend. It was "INGATH" event by 2014, but I was like 10 meters away with them. Alone. And then somebody got me. At first I didn't remember who he is. But I tried and I knew him. He's (let's call him) S. Holy what??! He was my crush at junior high school! The silly stupid annoying asshole! Oh God why dont you just die :( kidding! Wkwk
He went to a cottage. I followed him. There was my collage friend, C and his brother. 
She said she go with her elementary school friends. 
So S is C elementary school friends? What a tiny world.

I went back to the pool. Still alone. And suddenly he was at my back. We did small talk, happy chit chat. 

I thought he was over with his gf. Ho thanks God! :p

I dont remember what else next, but and then I woke up. 

Shit.

So it was just a dream? 

Why should I wake???

Well that's it.
Bye 👋 

3 Feb 2014

i do remember you

HAHAHAA i do not know how to start
oh god i unexpectedly remembered about this blog, my blog
so long, no, too long, blog :')
miss me? no? me too HAHA
i dumped you? well, sort of..hahaha sorry but i love soc-med more :p

hahahah haduuuh this shit's reaaal!! my writing, my story, my written thought in the middle of the night, my style of writing, my face, that faceee!! god! how could i uploaded that photooo! i didn't even know what i was thinking at that time :S hahaha

such a...what is it? i open my blog, re-read the posts, and feel ashemed of myself, and thinking how stupid i am at that time..but it feels nice to recall the memories, like finding my lost thing.. my blog that have been forgotten for years

although this blog is stupid, too stupid till no one never come to read--well yeah this blog's so much more like diary-_- -- except myself, but i have no regret to make this blog -- hm maybe it's like a child that never be raised well by her/his mother, hiks :(

i know writing is not my thing, since i didnt post regularly :P.  i need to think for minutes what will i write. there so much words, phares, sentences on my mind but it has no linkages to one another. then i re-thinked, changed the words and blablabla. i take a long time to write! how cant it be frustating??!
well actually i'm not frustated at all bhahaha, i dont care.

anyway, since i never come here for 2 years..i want to give you my current me.
you watch me growing, blog ;)


nighty night, blog. see ya in a couple years ahead HAHA

kiss kiss

nb : this post takes an hour to be done>.<

21 Jul 2012

Happy Fasting!

Ramadhan 1433 H. 
SELAMAT MENUNAIKAN IBADAH PUASA
Semoga puasa kita diterima oleh Allah SWT dan bisa bertemu dengan hari kemenangan. O:)

9 Mei 2012

the script on it

This "the script-bracelet" was suddenly given (as a birthday gift) from Tatha  
looove it! you know me so well ta :') 


Btw, i was just trying the latest update of picasa (ver 3.9), it's pretty cool!

10 Apr 2012

:)

Thank you for not making me fall any deeper. Maybe it's better. :)

24 Mar 2012

-

"You're standing there looking at the person you love and you realize for a second in their eye you may not be the person they love"

 Danny O'Donoghue, The Script

12 Mar 2012

I LOVE YOU, GRANNY


Ini udah hari ke 19 sejak opungmenek meninggal. selasa pagi tanggal 21 Februari 2012. Seperti hari biasa gue di sekolah belajar, ngobrol sama temen temen. Gue sama sekali gapunya perasaan gak enak atau apapun, gue cek hp ternyata ada sms dari nyokap, “kak pulang sekarang, opung menek meninggal. Kita ke Ngawi sekarang, ijin sama guru kamu” (gue batak asli, di keluarga gue opung menek itu artinya nenek) DEG! gue asdfghjkl banget, beraharap gue salah baca, berharap ada kata kata yang belum gue baca,tapi gak ada yang salah. Gue gatau harus ngapain, gue panik.gue bilang ke temen sebangku gue, Tatha terus pergi ke ruang guru. gue minta izin buat pulang. gue sampe rumah ternyata nyokap malah pergi ke sekolah-_-, dia panik juga. gue nyusun baju blablaba dan baru inget ternyata hari itu gue ada technical meeting! bagus, semuanya ada di gue. Langsung, gue print semua file san minta ojek anterin ke sekolah. Ternyataaa ada satu data yang ketinggalan, damn! Jadi gue sms data itu ke Rafni, ketua OSIS. Gue bener bener kacau hari itu. Bokap udah duluan ke ngawi dari kantornya jam  10.00, karena bangku semuanya udah full booked jadi gue, nyokap dan 2 adek gue nyusul. Tadinya opung minta kalau bisa datang sebelum jam 12, sebelum pemakaman tapi penerbangan lainnya jam 13.00 dan bakalan nyampe Ngawi jam 17.00. 1 jam penerbangan ke Solo dan 2 jam perjalanan ke Ngawi. Fix gabisa liat & gabisa meluk untuk terakhir kali, gabisa ikut baca yasin, gabisa ikut menyolat-kan, dan gabisa ikut ke acara pemakaman opung menek. Nyampe sana semua udah pada pulang. Gak lama Bang Upi, sepupu gue dating dari Semarang, dan malamnya uwa bekasi datang. Bang Ais dan kakak Zahra gabisa datang karena kesibukan kerja dan kuliah. Yang satu di Padang yang satu di Bogor, yasudah…
                Hari itu setelah sampe, gue liat opung. Beliau nyambut gue, senyum. Gue salam dia. Dia, opung gue mungkin orang paling tegar. Thanks, infinite thanks to God, you give my grandpa patience and strength.
                Gue tidur di kamar opung menek. Beda, sama sekali beda, dulu setiap ke sana selalu ada opung menek entah dia lg tidur, sholat, baca quran, dzikir, minum, minum obat atau apapun itu. Tapi sekarang udah gak ada lagi.. waktu gue masuk gue perhatiin sekelilingnya, Al-Quran, buku buku doa, majalah, sisir, tempat P3K, mukena dll semua masih sama letaknya. Wangi sprei dan mukena-nya pun juga masih sama.
                Besoknya, hari Rabu keluarga dari Tebet dateng. Sorenya semua ke makam opung menek. Dan malamnya mahkobar (rapat) keluarga besar tentang gimana selanjutnya opung, rumah yang udah lebih dari 10 tahun mau diapain, dll. Jujur gue pribadi gamau rumah itu di jual atau apapun, kalo dijual gue gabisa main ke sana lagi dong? gabisa jalan jalan keliling di sana lagi dong? Gabisa jalan ke sawah trus pulangnya mampir ke sawah lagi dong? Gabisa ngumpul bareng di sana semuanya pas lebaran lagi dong? Rumah itu udah kaya rumah gue sendiri gue bukan tamu di situ, mau tidur di kamar, sofa, ruang tv, halaman belakang atau di manapun terserah, gue mau lari larian dari ujung ke ujung main ke kebun gapake sandal, manjat manjat pohon itu terserah gue gak ada yang larang. Yang paling penting rumah itu tempatnya keluarga besar, tempat kalau liburan atau lebaran dateng ke sana. Mau gimana nanti gue kalo opung lepasin rumah itu? :’( tapi untungnya opung bilang dia gak akan ke mana mana dia pertahanin rumah itu :’) love you granddad!
                Beberapa minggu sebelum opung menek meninggal, opung datang ke rumah (setiap beberapa bulan sekali opung selalu datang ke sini untuk ambil pensiun dll). Gue ngobrol sama opung gimana keadaan opung menek. Sebelumnya emang ada kabar kalo opung menek itu jatoh pas lagi jalan. Dia jalan udah gak naik kursi roda lagi, udah bisa jalan sambil nuntun kursi roda. Nah pas lagi jalan itu dia jatoh, tangannya ketiban badan dan kepalanya kebentur lantai, di rumah kondisi kosong. Opung menek teriak minta tolong, karena opung emang pendengarannya udah gaterlalu bagus dan mbak yang ngurus rumah lagi entah ke mana, jadi gak ada yang tau. Gak lama mbak dateng katanya perasaannya gak enak dan ternyata bener, pas dia dateng opung menek udah di lantai. Langsung buru buru manggil opung dan pasang kasur di depan (r. tv) karena gak kuat angkat ke kamar. Tadinya gak di bawa ke rumah sakit, tapi ternyata tangan yang ketiban itu gabisa digerakin lagi akhirnya dibawalah ke rumah sakit di Solo. Kata dokter opung menek kena stroke ringan, saraf diotak untuk gerakin tangan kanannya gak berfungsi lagi. Pas dirawat opung menek gabisa ngomong, matanya nerawang, makanya selalu diajak ngobrol biar kesadarannya gak hilang. Bokap sempet ke sana, gue mau ikut tapi gadibolehin L katanya masih sekolah. Akhirnya gue Cuma ngomong sama opung lewat telepon, walaupun gabisa ngomong atau jawab apa yang gue omongin semoga beliau denger kalo gue selalu berdoa yang terbaik, dan gak gue sangka itu jadi omongan terakhir gue ke opung menek.
                (masih di jakarta) obrolan gue dan opung berlanjut ngebahas opung menek dari gimana dulu bisa ketemu, gimana dulu ngelamar, gimana dulu jalan jalan keliling Indonesia berdua, gimana opung menek hibur iparnya setelah suaminya (adik opung menek) meninggal “Opung(menek)mu itu hebat, dia setiap hari datang ke sana menghibur, menemani. Saya belum tentu bisa. Dia mau membantu saudaranya sendiri dengan hebat!” -Opung.
                Besoknya opung dapet telepon dari bou (tante) untuk segera ke Sragen. Opung menek minta pulang ke Ngawi, kangen rumah katanya tapi keadaannya gak terlalu baik.
                Pas gue di Ngawi opung cerita, semaleman opung di kamar opung menek (mereka punya kamar masing masing) baca yasin, berdoa sama Allah kalau bisa sembuh tolong sembuhkan, tapi kalau memang udah waktunya tolong ambil baik baik. Satu keinginan opung, beliau ingin opung menek meninggal secara tenang secara baik baik. Opung berdoa (ngomong) di sebelah opung menek kalau opung menek itu orang baik baik, rajin sholat, sering beramal, dll. Akhirnya doa opung dikabulin (opung ngerasa dikabulkan), dia yang nuntun opung menek baca dua kalimat syahadat kondisi di rumah Cuma mereka berdua, mbak lagi pergi ke pasar. Nuntun opung menek baca kalimat tauhid dan akhirnya beliau meniggal. Opung seneng katanya, dalam artian opung menek pergidalam keadaan baik prosesnya juga lancar. “She died peacefully” – Opung
            Dalam doa juga, gue selalu minta yang terbaik buat opung menek dan ingin opung menek bahagia. Kayanya doa gue juga terkabul :’)
            Walaupun opung keliatannya cuek, sering jalan ke mana mana, opung menek di rumah, but he cares a lot, even a little thing he still remember. He praises granny, even though he’s not telling her. He write everything on his calendar. 
30 Januari : To RSDM Solo (ke RS)
Februari :
2nd She’s 80 (ulang tahun Opung menek)
8th back from RSDM (pulang dari RS)
9th Jkt (datang ke Jakarta)
15th to Sragen
19th back home (pulang ke Ngawi)
21st                (Opung menek meninggal)
24th 52nd anniversary (ulang tahun pernihkahan yang ke 52)
Iya kan? Semuanya opung tulis. Gue setelah baca kalendernya mikir, padahal opung menek baru ulang tahun, padahal nanti tanggal 24 ulang tahun pernihkahan, padahal nanti bulan Maret ayah ulang tahun, padahal nanti April gue ulang tahun, padahal nanti pertengahan April keluarga besar dari opung menek mau ngumpul di Ngawi. Padahal opung menek belum liat gue keterima di universitas impian gue, padahal opung menek belum liat gue sukses… terlalu banyak padahal, tapi itu semua udah keputusan Allah, Allah tau yang terbaik.
Hari kamis siang gue seperti formasi berangkat, balik ke Jakarta. Bokap masih di sana nemenin opung.
Gue belum minta maaf ke opung menek, banyak banget kesalahan gue..dan di sini gue mau ngomong apa yang harusnya gue sampein ke opung menek
            Pung, maafin aku ya kalo aku belum bisa jadi cucu yang sepenuhnya baik, kalo aku masih suka males ngapa-ngapain, kalo aku suka ngedumel kalo di suruh padahal ada mbak, kalo aku males bangun pagi, kalo aku abis sholat subuh tidur lagi, kalo aku nyapunya suka gabersih, kalo aku suka sebel disuruh suruh terus, kalo aku belum bisa ngurus opung kaya mama atau bou atau uwa, kalo aku jarang main ke Ngawi. Maaf banget pung, aku gabisa dateng pas opung di rawat di rumah sakit, kalo pas opung pergi aku gabisa langsung ada di sana, kalo aku gabisa liat opung, gabisa dateng ke pemakaman opung, kalo aku Cuma bisa ziarah dan doain opung yang terbaik. Aku sayang Opung..

 

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